Struggling as step mother

Step Mothers

I’ve been stepmother for about 4 years now. Let me just say its been one hell of roller coaster ride that still yet be over. When my husband and I got together his son was only 11 now he is 15 soon be 16. We went from driving 2 hours one way get him every other weekend. So a round trip on Friday after work was about 4 to 4 1/2 hours depending on traffic and stops. Then turn around Sunday and return him the same trip! It was struggling it sucked! I started to be one making trips all-time due to our jobs. Well, I didn’t just do it out love for my husband I did it for his son. Knowing how his life was with his mother. Well, as time went on we talk about custody. Before he was a freshman in high school we did it. Now the son makes me regret it fully! I struggle with it all the time now and think it’s just destroying me as the stepmother! I never wanted to take his mother’s place or his other siblings. I just wanted the boy to learn the right way to take care of himself he didn’t know anything. Not even when he should shower! Those electronics were the most important thing to him! Well, the son got mad because it was months before he saw his mother. She didn’t try I would make him call and talk her it’s his mother. Finally, we planned trip for him go see his mother and other older siblings mind you all 18 and up living on own! After his Christmas visit things got bad, fighting with us failing school saying we ripped him away from his mother. She failed to show up at all court dates! Well, normal teenage mood I would say get over this hump. Summertime he goes back again this is when the bad started. He came back and we found out his half brother is going for custody! Well, filed in wrong courts. The son started his fits rest summer thinking hes going back with his brother. Now we get October court day well thrown out because like said his brother filed in wrong courts. Well, tell me why a grown-ass adult man would tell his brother do anything get CSB called our house anything finds anything. That night our son attacked his father to where man never put hands on his son never spanked him was put into his bed pinned down! Screaming for cops saying abuse screaming his father choking me how he hates him not his father never will take us away from his family hes going destroy our family. Mind you this is not the first time hes threaten to destroy our family! No matter how much I give and do for boy I’m his target! Cops came that night than he was looking for any way leave well threaten kill himself! Well, the hospital did everything suppose to do nothing wrong with him. The boy has been going counseling for a few months back when he came home in the summertime. However, now CSB coming to our house. Not too happy about this because I’ve been down this road with my ex-husband and 2 other kids. We have 4 total together 15 and 11 boy and 8 and 1 girl. 11 and 8 are mine and 8 years old is joint parenting with her father and the 1-year-old is ours together. So we have wide range of ages in our house. I’m told by others I treat my stepson different that I shouldn’t hold him to standers of my other children because he was raised differently. I feel like that shouldn’t matter he’s been living in house fully 2 years almost. I have a big chore board I use!See look not that bad. Is it bad to teach your kids some basic? Is it struggle to hold each kid step or not at the same standers? I mean it is not hard at all in my eyes! This was one of the stepsons bitches the cop why it’s so bad. Why he hates it here! Hell, I feel I need to add brush teeth, shower, wipe your ass. Speaking of bathroom this is what I had put over my toilet for both boys beauce well they leave a mess!So am I suppose to only pick on my son and not my stepson also? Because I’ve gone in after both them the same mess!! No, I hold them both the same. Do I give one harder than other no! I always ask my son the 11-year-old to help the most! IF its help me carry these hampers upstairs or watch your sister so I can go get the clothes out the dryer. So I mean I’m at lost why I’m hated by my stepson when I do and give him so much freeway! I’ve come point he wants to destroy my family than bye sees you later! I’ve come point I just don’t want to deal with him! Is that wrong? Am I supposed to push my self? I’ve done everything be nice to be nasty be mean and it all backstabs! I give in the way his father does backfire! So, I’m just not sure anymore. I have a deal with his our rage for the next 2 year or my family falls apart if I don’t find a way to get this under control me not being happy no more about him being in this house with me. I don’t see it stopping. Since he threatens after everything calmed down if I didn’t let him call his brother that moment when his brother files he will help him no matter what way he has done things because hes not letting his brother waste his money! Mind you his phone was shut off put away, I had a baby on my hip and yet talk to his father about this and got threaten because I said no not right now! Also, this was 9 am in the morning when he was asking to go for walk and I told him, no it is nice if you go outside with your dad and help with what they are doing right into he wanted to call his brother this moment! So I mean its never win-win how I treat him. I’m just really venting to the world because well I’m looking for advice in maybe I’m doing something wrong what can I change? I’m told so many things by others. However, I’m always told I need to treat my stepson different! I don’t think I should have to do that! However, ever kid has been treated differently because they are not all same kid! I’m not sure really. I do feel I treat every single kid in the house different. 11 years old and I have been threw the most than my daughter whos 8 she in two houses that’s a lot guggle. Then 1 year old she stuck my hip its been her and me since the day she was born! Stay at home mama here! So, yes I do everything for this family! Pickups drop off for school whatever sports event boy scouts mind you all day what do at home with the 1-year-old so yes. I’m stressed Mother looking for other mothers in the same type spot!Thanks For ReadingPlease Check out Other Sites Have goingFamily PageShop at Madison StoreWatch Annabelle GrowRick The Crazy Husband Page

Gun Shootings

As of March 2018, there have been eight school shootings this year in which a gun was discharged and victims were either injured or killed.
The shooting in Maryland is the 20th incident in which a gun has been discharged on a school campus in the US this year, according to gun safety non-profit Everytown.
However, after that figure was widely shared following the Florida incident, it has been challenged by many outlets over how the organization categorizes “school shootings”.
Here are details of the school shootings in 2018 in which people have been wounded or killed – on three other occasions, firearms were discharged without causing physical harm.
  • On January 22, shots were fired from a truck in the car park of NET Charter High School in New Orleans, Louisiana, targeting students during their lunch break. One student was injured during the incident.
  • On the same date, a 16-year-old male fired at his 15-year-old classmate in the cafeteria of Italy High School, Texas. The young victim was wounded while cops quickly apprehended the teen shooter.
  • On January 23, a 15-year-old male student shot 16 people in the lobby at Marshall County High School in Benton, Kentucky, killing two 15-year-olds. One died at the scene and the other passed away from wounds in hospital.
  • On February 1, two 15-year-old students were shot and injured inside a classroom at Sal Castro Middle School in Los Angeles, California. A 12-year-old girl was arrested.
  • On February 14, a gunman stormed Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida, killing at least 17 people and injuring up to 50. Parkland police arrested former pupil Nikolas Cruz, 19, who was expelled from the school in 2017.
  • On March 7, a 17-year-old girl was shot dead and a 17-year-old boy injured in a gun incident at Huffman High School in Birmingham, Alabama.
  • On March 20, a teenage gunman shot two classmates before he was tackled by a hero cop in Maryland.
  • On May 18. between eight and 10 people were killed in a shooting at Santa Fe High school

How many school shootings have there been since 2013?

Since 2013, there have been over 305 incidents in which a gun was discharged on a school campus in America, again according to Everytown.
This averages out to around one shooting a week.
Significant incidents over the last five years include the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, where 20-year-old Adam Lanza killed 26 people and himself on December 14, 2012.
A report by the Urban Institute revealed that in the single school district of Washington DC, there were at least 336 gunshots near schools over a single school year.

Exes who won’t let go after a Divorce

Much like any relationship you enter into what you put up with you, will get stuck with, life after divorce with your newly ex-spouse will be no different. However, mine ended the long time ago and I’m remarried also is the ex-spouse and him still not over it. I am often told stories and scenarios of ex-spouses who just won’t fully let go, or who just do not understand or want to understand that their ex is after divorce, no longer a part of their life. To me, this all falls under the umbrella of control. How many of us after a divorce still try to hinder, effect, hurt or control an ex? I will estimate quite a high percentage, especially if as the other ex-spouse you do not set very strict guidelines for your controlling ex, in what is acceptable or tolerable, in your newly found single life. The following are the list of commonly found issues and how to disengage and fully let your ex-go once and for all.  

1. No personal property boundaries, very often after a divorce one or the other spouse will remain in what was the marital property, set very strict guidelines for your ex-spouse, they are not to enter your home, have a key or make you feel in any way that they will just show up there unannounced. The MSA (marriage settlement agreement) will very clearly give the property to one or the other of you, and the moment this is signed the spouse has no rights to show up, attempt to enter or act in any way shape or form that they own or have rights to said property. If you can not feel comfortable with your Ex not to do this, move home, change the locks, or very worse case if they continue to do this unlawfully, get a trespassing order. It is not OK to feel that you have no personal private space, to go to, or feel safe that your Ex won’t show up at any time. Your Ex may have also left belongings in your home, rest assure that they are on some level doing this as a way to not fully let go, of their life with you. More than likely your MSA will include a clause stating every item in said marital home belongs to the person living in it, (they may vary so double check). In this instant, be polite, give them an exact date that items must be removed by and if this date comes and goes, feel free to box up said items and either deliver them to the Ex-spouse, or Good Will be happy to collect them also, there is no reason except for control that your home after divorce, is filled with items owned by your Ex. 

2. Exes who try to sabotage and make it hard for the other to date or enter into a new relationship, are also trying to wield control over their Ex by behaving like this. This may manifest its self when they sense you have plans, dates or a new love interest, they may not pick up children or not drop them off in a timely manner, they may also, try to orchestrate ways to make you feel guilty for moving on, accuse you of caring more about dating than your children. They may try and micromanage your free time from afar by giving you instructions, chores to do for your children, that they know will interfere with your free time and social life. In this case, a very precise conversation where you spell out to the Ex, that you are following the terms, visitation set out by the MSA and that your free time without your children is yours, and yours alone, may help. In extreme cases this won’t and at that point all you can do is very clearly stick to the MSA, disengage from all other rhetoric your Ex may direct at you, and live your life the way you see fit. To engage, back down or compromise, only gives your Ex the message that you will still be controlled by them, after your divorce and this will be an ongoing nightmare for you to deal with. So be firm, be fair, and remind your self that even if connected still by children, your Ex is no longer a part of your life, you no longer have to listen to them, cater to them, indulge or engage in arguments or discussions with them. Controlling spouses will turn into controlling ex-spouses, so stay strong and do not buy into their manipulation anymore, this is no doubt a factor in why you divorced them in the first place. 
3. Exes who overly communicate, especially if they know you are with a new partner. Ever had this happen? Your child accidentally has mentioned to your Ex that you are headed to a date or weekend with your new partner, then for the entire evening or weekend your phone is bombarded with texts from your Ex-spouse, either trying to push your buttons, or engage you in some kind of drama that is sure to strain your relationship with your new person? Well this situation is common, jealousy and the bizarre and bad perception, that an Ex has a right to do this to you is wrong. When you exit a marriage, you give up all rights to control, harass, have a say in anything to do with your Ex or anyone the person goes on to be with. Your Ex is no longer your spouse, they are no longer your lover, or in many ways no longer your friend, Unless you are lucky enough to have a civil and adult friendship after your divorce, where both your new loves and partners are fully respected. In my experience though this is few and far between. What I feel is really important to remember is that you may not be the first person to move forward after your divorce, but that doesn’t give you the right to try and hold on or set rules for your Ex in their single new life. This ongoing strategy – to allow your ex to harass you by text or calls on your free time, will only lessen the chances of your new relationships succeeding, no one really wants to date anyone, who is still embroiled in some kind of dysfunctional secondary relationship dynamic with their Exes. 
4. Using your children to guilt an Ex-spouse into not letting go. If you are an Ex-spouse who believes just because you have a child with someone you still on some level own your Ex for life, think again. You will always have that child or children together but the reality is your Ex-spouse will go on to fall in love, date, marry or even have more children with someone else. You may have created a child together, and you should find a way to pleasantly co-parent, but besides that, you have no say or control over each other. Peoples ability to use children as some kind of leverage to control their ex-spouse is well documented, as a source of contention after divorce. You really as the person who is trying to be controlled by your Ex in this manner, need to find a way to totally disengage from this, ignore texts, don’t answer calls, answer in very short precise ways, do not take the bait and be dragged into the Exes web of arguing, controlling or giving them the satisfaction of a reaction. This is exactly what the controlling Ex is looking for, the proof that they still can get to you, still manipulate you and still get their way. DO NOT allow this. Nothing, diffuses the situation better and gets you to a happier place quicker, than disengaging, separating yourself from the toxic Ex, and letting everything roll off your back. Not easy I know but like all bullies and control freaks, these people will eventually quit when they realize once and for all, you are not reacting or engaging in their drama. There is a reason that child custody and concerns are a large part of the MSA this is to lessen the children being used as a pawn, as a weapon or as a way to inflict pain on the other spouse. A good rule of thumb is to use this phrase in communications. “Please refer to the MSA”. There is no arguing it, it is set out in a court of law, in black and white and you both signed it, so don’t allow your Ex to think they are above the law, or above the MSA. 
5. A spouse who tries to control who you can date after a divorce, this is baffling, but I have heard it many times from divorcees I speak to. An Ex who will verbalize things like “I want you to date but why are you dating her/him?, I don’t like your girlfriend/boyfriend, I don’t want MY kids around your new girlfriend/boyfriend, anyone else is fine just not them”. This is clearly a crazy form of control unless the new partner is a criminal or someone who may legitimately be a danger to your child, you have no right to say, comment or control who your Ex-spouse dates. You are not their parent, not their partner, and most certainly not their spouse, you even have paperwork to prove it, called a divorce. Generally, an ex-spouse may incorrectly feel that they are allowed to be jealous, allowed to feel insecure, that you moved on or upgraded from them, but this is also 100% the Exes own issues and attempts to not fully let go, and control your situation. You may be tempted to engage or argue or defend your new partner to your Ex. In doing this though you are saying to your Ex that you are listening to their opinion in some form, and allowing them to have some control over who you date. They do not. You are a single adult the ONLY person who has a say in who you date, love or go on to marry is you. In my opinion even if your ex attempts to question you about your new love interest in a polite or kind way, you are under no obligation to answer to them at all. 
As a general rule when giving an Ex-spouse who refuses to let go, an inch they will always try to take a mile. This is why setting ground rules, and being firm, but fair from the start of a divorce is always the better way to go. Follow the MSA, give your Ex no reason to drag you into drama, at the first sign of communication that smells like control or manipulation- disengage. Remind yourself that divorce is a severing of interpersonal relationships between two people. Remind yourself that like all other aspects of divorce, time is much better spent focusing all your energies on the present, and future and ceasing to spend them on anyone or anything from the past. Your children are your children, and their love for you will not alter based on you spending time, focusing on your new life, new relationships or new goals. Happy parents make for happy children. It is also a good time to remind our self that we can not control other peoples behaviors, we only have the power to control our own reaction to them. When you do ignore and disengage, the other person will always eventually stop, as they are getting no reaction, and most likely will transfer that controlling streak to their next relationship, rendering us once and for all free! So anything you can do to get that place quicker does it. Good luck and if you find your self as the person who maybe is having trouble letting go, the same advice applies, spend your time, energy and focus on building your own life to be as happy as you can make it, trying to inflict pain and control on an Ex will not get you to a happier place or future ever.  

Why are kids not Thankful no more?

Now days you see children getting more and more from parents, but do they work for it do they say thank you or please or do anything too make it okay.  
As a parent and step parent I see this every day. When you pay for cell phones for a child to have. Yes, I could just have it where they can only text and talk and pay for no data what so ever. However, with way things are its something extra for a child. Now the youngest is 9 he’s had a phone since about 7 years old for safety reasons. However, as some parents do we every get a thank you, no., We get children that over use their data and ignore the parents time and time again about not answering the phone or text messages using all data and fact ignoring everyone and only playing games. 
Now another thing pisses me off is internet for the house! They think it’s free that they can just sit on ass all day ignore the world and play on game systems and ignore everything around me. Now growing up yeah, I didn’t have all this I went and played outside with my friends or went friend’s house and we play games or watch movie or the old Nintendo 64 Mario party why because we didn’t need keep upgrading out game systems. Now what do they do those game systems rewind them with stickers and smashing controllers on floor stepping on them and fact that they don’t take care cords also. It ends up messed up why because they don’t care they didn’t pay for it. They don’t pay for the internet which bring it up to the light and electric in the house. Running your game 24/7 and never shutting it off drives me nuts it’s a game you don’t need leave it on to save your spot.  
Another major thing in our house that pisses me off. Is my husband’s step son he lives 2 hours away so on friday we drive out 2 hours pick him up drive two hours back! Now I get it he doesn’t live here but ignoring the adults and just using us for internet to play on Xbox with your friend and play on phone we pay for. We feed you the whole time you’re here and you scarf it down to go right back game system. Than on both days you sleep till 1pm to get up and do games all over again and ignore everyone once again. That fact that you need remind a teenager to shower drives me nuts!  
Now the other boy he does shit pisses me off also where they both walk by clothes on floor and ignore the dog. You have to remind them to clean up after self and sometimes they don’t listen. What upsets me is the oldest step son tells me all time he hates Devin he doesn’t like him don’t like playing with him. When its just us and it kills me to hear that like why I even take my time out my day drive to you and get you come my house for what! It just minds boggling.  
How many step parents or parents have these struggles where your children just don’t care for things you proved but we keep proving them still this day.  
I vote once they can get job at 16 they are cut off pay your own way! Pay your cell phone, you will be charged for internet you will be charged for electric in this house! Just personally to show our children stuff is not always free like they think of it.  

Who will Hire me?

Well, that’s right who will hire me. I’ve been to a lot job interviews past few weeks. Problem I’m having is my kids schedule on top of I’m PREGNANT! Yes that’s right. I’m just a mom that wants two days week willing to work. That’s all just two days I can even have a job work around my crazy schedule the rest time that be awesome. However, no I’m honest with people during my interviews and you can tell the change in Voice and body that they are not okay with it.

I feel if I was not pregnant I wouldn’t have this struggle at all. I wouldn’t be hurting our family for income because just two simple days I’m willing to work would benefit some company. However it’s the hey come end August I will have to leave for short time or stop working all depends on my issue. So I have about 5 months of someone working and relay on me. So I’m just not sure at all yeah know!
I just wish someone would give me the chance instead of just saying I’m not the best candidate. Well, with my job history I really feel I would be number one pick with the years of Mangment positions I have and customer service. However, I always get not the best candidate. I feel like it’s discrimination honestly and don’t know what to do anymore. 

Brush You’re Teeth!

Have to keep those teeth clean some how right!!!

Miss Red and Mommy start the brushing! 

Now the Mr. Bugg wanted to join the fun we where having for once…. Boys they can be pains right!!!!

Now don’t forget one sink three people not sometimes a good idea!!!! 

However after you’re done you can’t forget the fight over the mouth wash!!!! 

Now that we all had fun! Time clean the sink from the mess.